I'm still always a little amazed at the number of people who are participating in very inappropriate behavior with someone who is not their spouse and who will still insist that they aren't doing anything wrong, and are definitely not cheating. Almost always, their spouse disagrees letmedate.com review and most definitely feels betrayed. People tend to be very skilled at justifying their behavior, until their spouse refuses to accept this. And then the debate begins.
Someone might say: "my spouse
is now calling me a cheater and saying that she might want a divorce because of
my 'affair.' I am being completely honest when I say that I never ever believed
that I was having an affair. Yes, I was in touch with an ex-girlfriend from
many years ago. And yes, I kept this from my spouse. But that is because I knew
that my spouse was going to jump to the wrong conclusions. I kept in touch with
her because she was going through a rough time with one of her kids and I have
experience with this and was offering her some advice. I also offered her money
in order to get the help that she needed. I knew that my wife would not
understand this. Most of our talks were written where I was trying to give her
written advice and support. I admit that the talks took up a good bit of time
and took up a lot of my thoughts. I admit that there was some mild flirting
going on. I met the woman face to face to give her money and we did hold hands
and kiss goodbye, but that was it. She took a photo of us and posted it on
social media. letmedate.com I had no
idea about this, but the photo got back to my wife and now she is calling me a
cheater. She keeps referring back to the 'affair,' but I maintain that I never
even had one. She's talking about counseling or divorce. This is ridiculous. I
have never slept with anyone else during our marriage. This is not an
affair."
I am certainly not an expert, but I
have been through infidelity, conducted a whole lot of research, and hear from
many people whose marriages are struggling due to marital betrayal. This is
only my opinion, but I would strongly encourage you to not focus on semantics.
Sure, you can sit there and argue endlessly with your spouse as to why what you
did was not technically cheating. But what would be the point of that? None of
that matters if your spouse feels injured or betrayed. None of that matters if
your marriage is going to struggle.
Again, this is only my opinion, but
if you are doing something that you could not do right in front of your spouse
and you are actively hiding the same, then you know in your heart that your
actions were wrong letmedate or you
would not be actively hiding this. Your wife knows this, which is why she is so
upset, hurt, and angry.
Imagine if one of your friends came
to you with a photo of your wife and another man. And it was a photo or an
encounter and a relationship that she actively hid from you. How would you
feel? Do you think you'd feel betrayed? I suspect that you would because that
is the experience of most people. Whether you call it an affair or not, I think
most would agree that it's a betrayal that could potentially harm or even end
your marriage. So no matter what you call it, I'd suspect that it needs your
immediate attention. And it would be a good idea to honestly ask yourself why
you would be able to keep something like this from your spouse - or why would
feel the need to. Because often, when people get their needs met by someone
outside of their marriage, this typically says something about them, about
their marriage, or about both.
Before you act, it makes sense to
ask yourself where you want to go from here. The fact that you're upset about
your wife's characterization of the 'affair' could indicate that you're still
emotionally invested. If your marriage is still important to you, I'd suggest
that you worry more about helping your wife to process this and to heal rather
than worrying about who is calling it an affair.
Yes, hearing yourself being called
a cheater is probably hurtful and it makes you feel defensive. But this is just
a word your wife is giving her process of feeling betrayed. Worry less about
the words and more about the message behind them. And the message that she is
giving you is that she's hurt and she's angry and she feels that you're
dismissing her very valid concerns.
You can agree on semantics later,
but most people agree that carrying on a secret relationship behind your
spouse's back is wrong. Having that picture up for all to see had to be very
hurtful to your wife. It's understandable that she is reacting to that. Your
getting defensive does nothing to address this, doesn't help, and it just adds
additional problems onto something that is already problematic.
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