I find that it's very normal for the wife to want more information about the other woman. Even if you wish this woman never existed letmedate.com review or that you could put her out of your mind, you might find yourself constantly being curious about her.
You figure that you should educate
yourself on what kind of hold she had on your husband and why. You wonder what
the attraction was and how she was able to get her hooks into your husband.
Getting this information isn't always easy, though. Because much of the time,
you don't know her and you don't have much intel about her. And so you are
dependent on your husband for that information. Unfortunately, not all husbands
are very forthcoming with these types of details.
To that end, a wife might say:
"all my husband will really say about the other woman is that they met at
the gym and that she doesn't live in town. He insists that I would not know her
and that information letmedate.com about her
does not matter because she is completely out of our lives. I will try to ask
him what she looked like and he will tell me that she was nothing special. He
won't tell me where she works. He won't tell me her age. He won't tell me what
the attraction was all about. In short, he shuts me down every time I try to
get information about her. Why is he doing this? What does it mean when a
cheating husband absolutely refuses to give information about the other
woman?"
There are many possibilities. I
will list some of them below. Some of them might ring true. And over time, he
may release his grip on some of that information. He might eventually come to
realize that you deserve the information and that keeping it from you doesn't
do much good and only makes things worse.
Possible Reason Number 1. He's
Ashamed: This is a very common motivation. He's not telling you information
about her because he is ashamed of that information. Men sometimes cheat with
women who are not their type or who aren't particularly pretty or intelligent.
In a sense, letmedate he is
ashamed of her and embarrassed that he took a risk over someone who truly
wasn't even worth it.
Possible Reason Number 2: He Thinks
That More Information Might Feed Your Insecurities: Sometimes a man keeps this
information from you because he honestly believes that he is protecting you.
Maybe she is younger or has some other attribute that he knows you are going to
cling to and hold onto for dear life. In short, he knows that the information
is going to make you feel badly or insecure about yourself and he wants to
avoid all of this.
Possible Reason Number 3: He
Doesn't Want For You To Seek Her Out: Many husbands are afraid of their wife
confronting the other woman. They don't want an ugly scene. They don't want for
the two women to compare notes. And he doesn't want the other woman to say or
do anything to hurt you. So he figures if he withholds information, this will
keep you from finding her and this will keep any hurtful confrontations from
happening.
Possible Reason Number 4: He's
Withholding Information For His Own Gain: I hate to even bring this one up
because I don't think that it's correct to always assume the worst. Some
husbands who won't talk about the other woman truly are trying to protect you
and don't have sinister motives. But occasionally, a husband doesn't want you
to know much about the other woman because he is still seeing her or stringing
her along. Or, he doesn't want for her to tell you information that is going to
make you very angry at him. In other words, he knows that keeping the two of
you apart is going to benefit him in some way.
Now by saying this, I am not trying
to insinuate that you should want to meet with the other woman. I firmly believe
that she is not the best place to get your information because her motivations
are very different from yours. She is going to want to make herself appear to
be the innocent party and she is going to want to present the affair as more
than it was because it will help her to justify her actions.
I honestly usually discourage the
wife from contacting the other woman because I never hear of it turning out
well. And it gives her power over you. Plus, it sometimes places your focus in
a place where it shouldn't be.
With all of this said, it's not
fair for your husband to withhold all information from you. I think it helps to
define what you most want to know. Some information truly doesn't add anything
- like minute details about her life and her personality. Those type of details
just don't matter and tend to muddle things up. But information that lets you
know how real the relationship was and how they met and carried this out are
important details.
So you might try a conversation
like: "listen, I am not asking you for a biography on her. I don't need to
know her life's story. But it's not fair for you to not share what I need to
know. I need to understand how and why the affair happened and I can't do that
when there is a big, gaping hole in the story. I know that you might think that
you're protecting me, but it almost feels like you might be trying to protect
yourself also. I don't intend to go and confront her or cause a big scene. I
just feel that I need more information about all of this. And just because you
refuse the information, that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop trying to get
it. I think that you can save us both a lot of time and anguish by telling me
what I need to know so that I don't have to waste time continuing to search for
it."
Hopefully, common sense will
prevail and your husband will realize that he can't keep everything from you if
he truly wants to try to maintain the marriage. In order for healing to take
place, you have to know what you are dealing with. And if he doesn't tell you,
then you may just make up your own version of the story that is worse than the
reality.
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